Top Questions You Should Stop Asking Newlyweds
.03 seconds after you get back from your honeymoon, you can expect questions to start rolling in. Trust, you can’t prepare for this and I can’t make this stuff up!
Before I get started with this blog post, I must share that I am in no way trying to offend anyone. Seriously. My true desire is to help people forge authentic connections by asking better questions. That’s it. I pinky promise.
After experiencing seven months of marriage (GLORAYYY!) and talking to other newlyweds, there’s a list of common questions we’re asked and it’s time that we address them.
When we got married, I knew that people would ask how our marriage was going or when were we having kids. These are normal post-wedding questions, right? Ehh, I’m not sold anymore.
What I didn’t realize was how abundantly these questions would be asked. But it wouldn’t be right if I complained without offering valid suggestions, so let’s get this started with top questions you should never ask a newlywed accompanied by recommendations.
QUESTIONS TO AVOID WHEN TALKING TO NEWLYWEDS
1. How is Married Life? You’re thinking, “Come on, Major, that’s normal.” You see, this question is so loaded, and it doesn’t really show or express your actual care for knowing how the person is experiencing marital life. This is similar to asking a pregnant woman how her pregnancy is going.
People rarely want authentic responses.
If we’re being honest, the person asking might not be ready for what the newlywed has to say.
The truth is that marriage is beautiful and it takes hard work. Some days are amazing and other days are challenging, just like anything in life.
And what I’ve come to realize is that this is normal — we all have concerns and deal with a range of emotions in marriage. I might not always feel alright, but I know all is well. So the next time you speak with a newlywed and want to know how their marriage is going, consider these questions that might lead to a more fruitful conversation.
What’s the most interesting thing that you’ve experienced now that you’re married?
Have you learned anything new about yourself now that you’re married?
What was the coolest part about your wedding?
Don’t these questions feel so much better? OK, let’s keep going.
2. When Will You Start Having Kids? For the love of God – please don’t ask them when they are going to start trying. Somehow you’ve just managed to climb in their bed. LOL For real, though. This has to be one of the most insensitive questions that I’ve ever been asked in my whole life. And now I feel bad because I’ve asked so many people. Sigh.
There are some people that do ask us wholeheartedly because they are excited about the idea of little baby MAGO running around. My people, I know your hearts, and I’m not mad.
But what people often don’t take into consideration when they ask this question are the circumstances that the couple might be experiencing that either could expedite the pregnancy process or slow it down — that’s if they want children.
Situations could include infertility, lack of finances, job situations, or their decision to not have kids. So the asker puts them in this awkward position to answer a super personal question when they likely didn’t mean to go deep with them in the first place. This simple question can easily trigger deep emotions in a casual chat, so it’s best to not ask if you’re not ready for the convo.
No suggested alternatives are available. Just avoid the topic.
3. How Does it Feel to be Locked Down? Well, this is just asking for problems. Marriage isn’t prison. 😂 Unfortunately, a lot of people feel like once you become married, you become inaccessible to your friends and that your life is over. And I’ll be very frank, I’m sure there are a lot of marriages like this, but it’s definitely not what all marriages are like.
Consider asking them for advice on commitment or to explain how they transitioned from dating to engagement to marriage. These are more substantial questions that could help the newlywed and the person that’s asking.
4. Oooh, Please Show Me Your Ring? This might seem like a normal question. But I don’t think it is should be. Sometimes couples do not have enough money to get rings, some nontraditional couples don’t even purchase rings, and many times people just don’t feel the need to display a ring that someone might inherently think is a reflection of their partners love for them.
I believe we are slowly moving away from a culture that puts such a focus on rings. Do you!
Here are some alternatives:
Tell me about your proposal.
Do you have any wedding photos that I can see? This is where you can see the ring on the sneak tip, if you must!
That’s it. It wasn’t too bad, right? I pray this was helpful. Thanks for making through the entire post. If you have any other recommendations, please leave them in the comments.
Until next time.